Sunday, December 14, 2008

Neon Preachings One: Hidden Gems of Difficulty

Introduction to Neon Preacher: This post can have two sections: Gems and Spells.

*This is a collection of ideas I've found useful. I wrote this a week ago and wanted to do another Travel log this week but since my computer in Laos is too expensive and slow I thought I'd print this first Neon Preacher instead. Today is Christmas and I'm in Laos which I refer to as Asian-Mexico. This is I guess a Christmas day black and neon preaching via Laos.

GEMS

Another word for life could be difficult. Trying to separate difficulty from life is like trying to separate wetness from water. They are slight variations on the same experience.


This is a fundamental aspect of our daily lives. Hidden within this truth are an array of wonderful gifts or gems. Gems, and gifts are often hidden behind depressing, scary, heavy, dark concepts. If we move through the darkness we can find prizes. To move through the darkness is to acknowledge, and to accept, and to not want to change, the fact that the difficulty we have always felt, the difficulty we now feel, and the difficulty we will always feel, is part of us. The gift which this awareness provides has to do with our relationships to other people, and to the present.


First, any substantial relationship that we can develop with other people is built upon a shared experience of struggle and hardship. Suffering is an essential material in the growth of love, friendship and all interpersonal understanding.


Second, difficulty when properly understood as a principle element in what we are, is no longer our fault. That we feel pain, discomfort, anxiety, fear, is not our fault. That the people in our life suffer and face great troubles that is also not our fault. That people throughout the world are sprawling in want, that is not our fault. To end difficulty in our lives, in our families, and in the world is not our responsibility.


Dramatic point


People sometimes kill themselves and people they love so as to prevent their suffering. (See "Johnny" from the great band Suicide) This type of murder is an extreme form of an action which we all take - if on a more microscopic level. This is because distinguishing a specific problem and cause of pain from the underlying field of difficulty requires work and attention. Specific problems can arise so quickly that they blur and overwhelm us. When overwhelmed we see generalities rather than specifics. This can lead very quickly and naturally to a hating of life itself - and this manifests itself as a hating of our self and or the world.


To use a metaphor, negative thoughts and feelings directed towards huge concepts like, self, life, or world, are the equivalent of throwing the baby out with the bath water. Rather than love the cute little booby, focus on cleaning the dirt of the baby, and accepting the bath as part of life, we lose sight of the kid all together. Sometimes people commit double suicides but mostly people resenting life and eating another big mac.


What are the gems again?

Difficulty bonds us to people we love. Difficulty is not our fault or responsibility.

Saturday, December 13, 2008

Travels Three: Taoist Streams and DVD's

Travel Log and Thoughts
Sometimes I formulate an idea of what I want from an hour, day, or week, and am quickly rewarded. This week peacefully and simply fell in place. The youth hostel Higher Lands inn sits in the mountains and is run by a lovely 26 year old couple and his sister. When finished with the work they watch movies and play with the pets; todo, dodo and tofu. The small dog plays with the puppy and they both sat on my lap while I read or watched movies. At first I thought the dogs tortured the cat who meow'd a lot. Infact I've never seen dogs and cat get along so well. They all were sharing the tiny patch of sun as I left the hostel five days, three books, two magazines, five movies, and four hikes later.

I split my time evenly between movies, books, and time hikes. You catch the path called "cloud pass" five minutes down from the hostel and "cloud pass" along a endless cliff edge. The pass is perfectly flat and easier to walk then central park. The "Taoist streams" cut through the mountains and create huge gorgeous lined with massive walls of rock. Why is a building sized rock more powerful to me than a building?

The rocks here are mangled, they look as if they are falling apart, and yes they look like Chinese scrolls. Maybe they are just a reflection and not as dramatic as other places in China with stranger formations but i loved them.

In memory the Wu We Si temple I practiced Tai Chi every day and while I walked along the "cloud path" I would sometimes carry a rock on my head. Years of slouching and two months of carrying a huge backpack reduced my stature a valuable inch - and also hurt my back a little. Nothing straightens your back and keeps your eyes forward like a little granite on your dome. Maybe I look kind of like an idiot but I could do worse things. The Chinese people who saw me just giggled and gave me thumbs up.

The Higher Lands Inn's location in a mountain and collections of DVD's, not to mention the quote by Lao-tzu on the door and the 200 year old Taoist cave on the grounds, all felt created just for me. How did they know?! How did I know? Anyway I approve. Higher Lands then wins a place in my favorite category of places; Accessible, naturally beautiful, with a tradition of love for any of my favorite languages - movies, books, and music. Amen. Of course you might suggest I go back to School but my pets M.B.M. love to be experienced away from the academy. In school it's all cinema, cinema, hmmm, literature, literature, hmmm. When you're alone in the mountains, or when I'm alone in the mountains, a good book is *_* in a really good way.

Its the difference of being shoved into a staff party, right after eating a huge falafel sandwich, and being offered some huge piece of ice cream cake... and stumbling upon a little diner in Idaho, after eating some beef jerky, and vitamin water three hours ago for breakfast, and being served up one of the finest club sandwiches, and milk shakes, in America. hot damn.

The very existence of Higher Lands spawned fantasy's which kept me up at night. "Shit... if they're gonna just put a nice little DVD hostel in beautiful mountains that's too easy. I can do that... but mines gonna... recording studio, and a music venue, kites, gem stone museum, Hang GLIDING! Brian Eno's gonna live there and record live ambient sets from sweet musicians all over the word, orphans can live there... ping pong... underground... nintendo wii"

The question I then struggled with was how to dream of an awesome future without losing my cool. Passions gain momentum too quickly and suddenly I'm getting married in Vegas. Getting ahead of myself then leads to anxiety and fear. Not to mention disappointment after returning from the sweet fantasy life of living in a crystal recording studio situated in a volcano... "it would be so easy...money... grants... new business models... I'm a failure"

Meanwhile, the present for me, when properly managed, can be so rich as to make desires feel silly. Why disturb the balance of a beautiful moments, followed by beautiful moments, with fantasy's? The positive side maybe that fantasy's and learning ways to control and manage them can be powerful. I found Higher Lands by following my heart several times over and in search of ideals and dreams; Chinese mountains, magic, DVD's - if i hadn't fantasized it I would not have found it - or appreciated it if I did find it. Dreaming of something and then finding it, or making it i guess gives you the real feeling of magic. Wow... the spell worked.

There must be a balance here somewhere. On a daily basis I practice lowering expectations to as close to nothing as possible. Food should be appreciated as a gift. If the ratio of good moments to bad moments resembles fair then it's a gift. My best days are experienced in this way but the next level of this video game would include the capacity to maintain this equanimity while striving for more.

I looked for some quotes that deal with related issues:

"Keep your eyes on the stars but keep your feet on the ground" Theodore Roosevelt. *not the most inspired but it makes the point*

"Give yourself the freedom to explore the possibility of life without limits. Goals are dreams with deadlines, a means to an end but not the ultimate purpose of life." Glynis Nunn *i don't really understand it but i think it might be really on point.*

"It is not enough to take steps which may some day lead to a goal; each step must be itself a goal and a step likewise." Johann Wolfgang Von Goethe

"You cant rest unless you set goals that make you stretch.’Tom Hopkins *i like this take*

The point for me is that I find a tension between acceptence of the present and dreams about the future. It can be a goal in itself I guess. I will try and improve my ability to dream and stratagize about the future and I will think of plans, ideas, and aspirations as worthwhile in themselves. This is what i think should be my next step - find the beauty in the plan itself and in the dream itself. They are SPELLS and they offer two possibilities. The first is to reach through time and touch yourself in the future - or to give something to yourself in the future. To build streets which connect myself in the present to myself in other presence. Spells which offer me to myself. Spells which create, find, and frame the straight lines from the labyrinth of my fancies, gestures, lives.

But why the straight lines? Why this fearfull desire to control nature? Who will admire the maze for itself with out trying to adjust it to fill their own holes? Order and the beauty exist as chaos passes through us and if we adjust only our own filters then past, memory, and reflection makes the world holy. The process takes on meaning and beauty by changing nothing but ourselves. The purest change in the world would be to make our eye's aware of the beauty everywhere. Suddenly the world would become beautiful and people could atleast know this possibility, as they believe men have touched the moon, by looking at the eyes as they see.

What does my future self want? It should want less! Why should I sacrafice moments from today to spoil myself in the future. I should learn to ride the present, to endure, and to pracice acceptence. Will this be a straight line? A straight line of beauty leading behind me.

But as such you will reject your humanness which lies in the ability to create beautiful lines in every direction? They are lines which connect and when you deny, or ignore, the opportunity to connect with yourself then cut yourself off. These are the goals. To live in the present in all of it's suchness. That means wholesome connection with your past and your future. To seek harmony between these three. To create a family out of the three. Your own past is like the mother and father which created you - it deserves respect, acknowledgment, humbleness, and gifts. Your future is as your own children and it's hungry for love, for someome to listen to it - sometimes wholy, someone to play with it, someone to teach it, to feed it. And always you are the center. You have the opportunity to reconcile each to eachother. To create peace and understanding in this midst of family drama. How beautiful a family can be, a home. The wise, respected grandparents, the trusted, poised, devoted, but questioning child, and finally the parents. The providers, and role models, the teachers, entertainers. Independent, and available. They deal with quarrels through patience and understanding. Love is work and requires daily care.

We should make avialable our masculinity and our femininity. We should learn to love that in us which does and that which is.

These are goals. Let them be visualizations. Symbols. They are easier to strive for but easier to remain detached from.

See the sun always returning. See the cloud becoming. See the moon as whole in every part. Even stars are sometimes visible. But why strain your neck to look at them. Look forward and forward more.

Thursday, December 4, 2008

Travel One: Trains Through China

The highlight of the last week would be the train ridefrom Guanzhou, which is i guess the closest city to Hong Kong in China, to Kunming, which was five hours by bus from Dali. The 26 hourtrain ride was almost exclusively through beautiful and strangeChinese landscapes.

One man I spoke with for a while told me in broken English about stoneforests that i should see here. Stone Forests... Sure... I assumed hewas very confused in his English and just kind of nodded. Then wepassed a stone forest. As i said, strange landscapes. Much of thearea was once underwater so you have unusual rock formations - Indeed,and in red earth none the less.
I stayed in a room with six beds. Two rows stacked three beds high.It was sleep away camp with Chinese people through Chinese mountains. My roommates were on the bottom a 60 year old Chinese couple who werealways smiling and singing together and to the music that was oftenblasting from speakers. The man reminded me of papa. I'm on thesecond row up next to a guy my age who, I exchanged very blank stareswith - as if to just say, "huh you look pretty different than me". Heoffered me a cigarette which i refused and i offered him a cookie thathe refused. Finally there was the 30 year old mother, her 16 monthold kid, and i guess her sister. Wow, they were a beautiful andlovely family.

Chinese look at that their kids with a kind of awe and curiositythat's really cute and very different than the Japanese approach - butthey also set real limits and on some level are just really goodparents to young kids. None of them spoke English but we all gotalong. At about hour 14 i practiced Chinese pronunciations with theolder man. I was making them laugh and also laughing cause the soundsi was making and repeating over and over were so strange. NeeeHaaauuu means hello. It feels like some horribly inappropriateimitation of Chinese people that they are encouraging me to make --so funny.

People seemed much more into Obama on the train then in Hong Kong. InHong Kong people were happy but ultimately very unsure. On the trainpeople were just pretty happy. The people on the train were not richbut not really poor. They had little black Berry's and the two peoplei met were just traveling - they looked kind of poor, but weretraveling for upwards of two months. And they also commented on thehard life of the farming communities we were passing. They were alsoproud that the government subsidizes the farmers and university. Theyseem to like there government on some pretty key issues - thatimpression will be left very open for now.
Dali is the old capital of Yunnan province. Its unusual in china tohave old buildings because they basically build over everything. Itsthe most diverse area in China with people from all over China, Tibet,Burma. People are very nice, there are beautiful things in brightcolors. Its also a popular backpacker site which has its advantagesand draw backs. The drawbacks are the UK kid who works for JP Morganwho I found very irritating. On the other side its easy to find Internet, cheap hostel, information in English, and I found somepretty interesting Chinese people who work for a Chinese edition ofNational Geographic. They explained to me that China makes its ownversion called Geographic that's mostly just about China.

I'm in contact with an English teaching school nearby in a verybeautiful place. They seem really nice and pretty interested in mewhich is really nice. I need to find away to scan my passport andsend it to them.

Travels Two: Misty Temples and Golden Children

Have you ever seen the movie Golden Child with Eddie Murphy? It's from the 80's and Eddie Murphy plays a cop who gets mixed up in a journey to save a magical Chinese kid and maybe the world - i don't exactly remember the details but I think Eddie starts off pretty skeptical and is pretty impressed when the kid floats. The highlight is when Eddie is walking on pillars which descend into darkness. He drops a coin to see how far down the pillars go and the coin never hits anything...

So the Kung Fu monastery orphanage was kind of like that. One of the three 8 year old's had been their 5 years and new more Kung Fu and Tai Chi then the 20 year old's. The 20 year old's were stronger and might be able to give the kid a Purple Nurple, but the kid had taught them all the forms.

The hardest part of the day was either; getting up at dawn when the kids and monks start chanting at 6 so as to carry the stone up hill on your head, or not eating so much that you leave looking like "Kung Fu Panda". Is that clear at all? The food was soo good. And because they hate "wasting" food they kind of force feed you. If you thought that Jewish people and Chinese people had similarities then you were right - they want you to be fat but tell you to be skinny and its confusing. Anyway the food is really good but everyone eats as fast as can because they have to start chanting about 10 minutes after the mushroom-potato saute' hits the table. Can i catch my breath please? I was consistently the last person at the three small tables. Unfortunately, or fortunately - I cannot tell, being slow meant that the cooks would put all the left overs into my little bowl. Being the last basically meant starting dinner again.

Being about an hour hike up a mountain the practice grounds look out over a vista. Is it beautiful, or is it a little disappointing, and why am I the only one who looks at it? You see flat land spread out with dilapidated, white, randomly placed, concrete houses -- Some people are very poor and some people are not so poor but from a distance it looks pretty struggling. The houses lead up to a lake which sits at the bottom of mountains. The mist in the area covers a different part of the view, in a different way, every hour, so the view usually looks different. The sky on the last day was very grey but clear and when a crack in the clouds let streams of light down across the lake, and with blue ridged mountains for as far as the eye could see, i was impressed.

This moment was pointed out to me by the 24 year old Israeli named Dor who had been studying vigorously for two months. His favorite "ninja turtle" was Raphael and was suprised when I said mine was Donatello. He was my height; a towering 5 feet 4.563 inches of mostly muscle. I came to know his muscles well because for 30 minutes of every practice the students stretch and message each other. Is it torture, is it gay, or is it awesome? Yes.

This issue of sexuality was relevant because the place is a monastery. Couples who come to stay cannot stay together. The monks are not allowed to do it. So... maybe there is some stray sexual energy floating around, and maybe some of that spills out in Kung Fu stretching. Sometimes it is a bit ambiguous, or uncomfortable, or cute. As the mis-quote written on the wall of my room says, "It's not good it's not bad it's just it".

What else can I say about the place. The temple itself is beautiful, very old, but newly and intricately painted in bright colors. The outside door is guarded by one pink and one blue towering angry god. You then walk through an area and on both sides you are lined with many life size Buddha hero's. My favorite one has an arm that stretched about eight feet too long and clutches a sun (I think... or just magic). The core of the temple has a small square with a water hole for gold fish, and a small table for tea. At the far end of the square is a temple structure with much nicer Buddha sculptures, incense always burning, monks always chanting, and the square is framed or surrounded by small bed rooms. My room is on the second and top story. The windows of my room have orange cloth instead of glass. As i sit under five blankets, perfectly warm, and write in my journal, my page and the rest of the room glows orange.

During the day the main temple structure with the nice Buddha's is dark and after dinner as the light dies the candles and praying monks make the temple glow. The moon rises in the light blue sky increasingly surrounded by stars. The temple glowing more brightly as the outline of small shaved heads pace back and forth lighting incense, praying, and singing. I sit across from them, across the small square and goldfish, digesting my huge dinner, and summoning giggles when the cooks who saw me last sitting curiously alone in the dinning space now see me watching the ceremony which must be as normal to them as chopsticks.

Despite the undeniable reality of strange and embedded customs, new structures and landscapes, I found myself non-shalant through out the experience. The best response to this reaction I found in Ralph Waldo Emerson's essay, "The Poet". Emerson's "self relience and other essays" has been my guide for the last months - in part because the book is small, light and dense. It's cool that so many classics are small and cheap. Too bad they aren't the published on super thin paper and made pocket size like all books in Japan.


"The Poet" Page 73,

"The spiritual fact remains unalterable, by many or by few particulars; as no mountain is of any appreciable height to break the curve of the sphere. A Shrewd country boy goes to the city for the first time and the complacent citizen is not satisfied with his little wonder. It is not that he doesn't see the fine houses and know that he never saw such before, but he disposes of them as easily as the poet finds place for the railway. The chief value of the new fact is to enhance the great and constant fact of Life, which can dwarf any and every circumstance, and to which the belt of wampum and the commerce of America, are alike"

This section is from "the poet" and the "place for the railway" which the poet finds is within the "vital circles" of nature. This secondary point is in other words that the man made aspects of the world are as organic as the beehive. This point I found most dramatically made when looking out at Tokyo from the top of one of its many sky scrapers. Sam, the architect, said that he kind of wanted to poke it with a stick.

As to the main point of why I was not floored by the temple, my fathers point about travel seems like a poignant addition to Emerson. I feel a bit greedy to waste it so soon in the blog,\ but since this could be the last post I ever make I might as well indulge:

When your world remains largely the same you notice changes in your self. When the world changes, as it does when traveling in Asia, you notice your consistency.

So we must divide our amazement for new things between the newness of such and the sameness of us. Cleverly, or wisely i think, Emerson attributes the casualness of experience to the greatness of ourselves rather than the smallness of such and such.

A small side point here on Emerson and life:
Emerson always brings us back to the priority of ourselves before and above everything. My fathers echo is that you must take care of yourself if you are to help others - true. Emerson, and the "Tao Te Ting", my other great small book, might reply that if you take care of yourself properly you will take care of other people - and can stop worrying about your responsibility towards them.

In Stephen Mitchells comment on chapter 78 of the Tao Te Ting he says, "The greatest help is wholeheartedly trusting people to resolve their own problems. A true philanthropist, like a good parent, brings people to the point where they can help themselves." I think trusting someone is primarily an inward not an outward shift which is consistant with the point - i think. The quote I was looking for but could not find says; someone who is good does not try and be good but wonderfull accidents happen in their wake.

Back to my fathers point that when traveling I notice that in me which does not change so much: I also find that with a greater awareness of that in me which is the same, I am more sensitive to my patterns and tendencies to change. My moods are dictated by sleep and food and my values quickly mold to the culture of a place. At the temple I worried about my will, my gracefulness, my capacity for wonder, my skill of meditation, my tendency to want more then I get. I wasn't back in town for two hours before I went to the bathroom and noticed a mirror for the first time in a week. I was sun burned, I had gained a little weight, my eyes were a watery from the mild allergies, i was unshaven. Almost instantaneously I found myself caring much more about the way i looked than the priorities of the Monastery which felt somewhat quaint in town.

I won't stress this change too much. It will be nice to do laundry, shave, shower, and put lotion on my face before heading back tomorrow for another week of Tai Chi. The town is a back packer paradise and well suited for the transition. The "Lonely Planet" writer I spoke with while writing emails looked less image conscience than me, and the French Taoist, who runs a "trecking business" explained, over the reggae, that while in Europe his appearance might be questionable in Yunnan people considered his scraggly beard distinguished. I thought he looked great -- to be said in grandma's voice; "and so thin."

INTRODUCTION TO THE BLOG: materialists?

Part One
I'm traveling and family and friends who are interested can check up on me here.

Part Two
I can't stop filling emails with my lessons, strategies, philosophies. You can read them here if you want or not it if you don't want. Unless asked I will try not to treat your mailbox like pews for my sermons. All together now, "Amen".

The Predictions
I expect this Blog like most other Blogs to begin with long, colorful, essays, and to quickly trail off into missspelled apologies for not writing, followed by a sudden death.

The Name
It seemed like general word with a bad wrap. I like materials...

Meditation
If a blog falls in the Internet and no one is around does it make a bad impression?